Excerpt From the Secret Diary of Sharayray aka Shana (Project-Yine co-director and wine blogger)
DAY 3 Louisiana to Texas--
I am beginning to worry about the success of Project-Yine. Ashley is coping well and seems not to be bothered by the heat or the lack of wine. But it’s only been BEER BEER BEER since I got here. So far the only Gen-Yine folks that have turned out to meet us are guys in their 40’s that live with their mothers!
I am getting weak from the lack of mental stimulation and the complete lack of anything that is edible. We have seen nothing but Waffle Houses and Huddle Houses and Budweiser for days now. When I say I’m a vegan and don’t eat meat I’m told to order the Hush Puppies. Helllooo! This thing they call Hush Puppies is just Fried Bread!
Maybe I should have thought this out more before embarking on a cross county trip with someone I barely know. And I swear if I have to tell one more person how to say my name I’m going to shoot someone! It’s Shana…rhymes with banana. Not Shana rhymes with--well pronounced like that it rhymes with nothing.
DAY 4 -AUSTIN
Finally a speck of hope on an otherwise bleak landscape. AUSTIN I LOVE YOU! OMG! On the 8th day God created Austin. I can eat again. I think I might just move into the Whole Foods here. It is an oasis of hope in Texas. I never want to leave. I’m afraid of what might await us on that long desolate stretch of 1-10 called West Texas….
DAY-5 Wenchie says we should just make a mad run for it and drive all the way to Phoenix in ONE DAY!! OMG it’s going to be grueling, but the sooner we get out of this state the better. Talk to you later diary….
Later just past El Paso in West Texas we find our heroines still driving--
A: We are not far from the border now Shana, why don’t you just go ahead and take a nap. I’ll wake you when we get there.
S: Okay. I sure could use some rest.
Hours later Shana wakes up to find herself in a huge fluorescent lit room with hundreds of Gen-Yiners seated in front of computers starting straight ahead to a stage with a big screen flashing pictures and words.
S: Wenchie where are we?
A: Um well, I have something to tell you.
S: What is this place a tech support center?
A: No Sharayray it’s the Blogger Deprogramming Center. And I’m not exactly who you think I am…
Yes, our beloved Shana aka Sharayray had been tricked into thinking she was part of a study for Project-Yine, but now finds herself miles below Yucca Mountain at the Robert Parker Blogger Deprogramming Center for Wayward Wine Bloggers.
Shana sees a giant picture of Robert Parker lit by spotlights surrounded by posters of 98 point shelf talkers while on the screen the following words flash by:
THOU SHALT NOT BLOG
WINE BLOGGERS ARE INHERENTLY EVIL
I AM NOT A WINE WRITER
I AM A LOWLY BIT OF FLOTSAM IN THE WINE UNIVERSE
All the Gen-Yines repeat what they see in a monotone drone. Shana now notices they are all chained to their chairs as well. Their voices boom inside the cavernous room--
“THOU SHALT NOT BLOG”
“I AM A LOWLY BIT OF FLOTSAM IN THE WINE UNIVERSE”
S: Noooo No! OMG!!
Shana tries to run, but Ashley grabs her arm and starts to shake her.
A: Shana! Shana! Sharayray! Wake up!
S: Oh hey, ummm …Where am I? Who are you?
A: It’s me Ashley. We’re in Arizona! I think you were having a bad dream.
S: OMG! You don’t know the half of it!
To be continued…
Marcy Gordon, YOU are my hero. TRULY this is Hollywood screenplay worthy! lolReplyDelete
Now THAT is f-ing hysterical!ReplyDelete