Part 1 --Tampa to NOLA
S: Umm why are there no road signs anywhere?
A: I guess they haven’t had a chance to replace them yet since Katrina.
S: Okay, but it seems like we've been driving in circles for the last two hours. Are we lost?
A: No! We’re not lost. It’s just hard to navigate by landmarks when you are in a swamp. But wait what’s that? I think that’s the place we’re looking for!
Our heroines pull up in front of a dilapidated shack with the words “Gator Bait Bar” spray-painted across a board nailed to the tin roof. Inside a heavy pall of smoke hangs over the bar. Three seedy men that look like extras from the set Deliverance sit at a back table playing cards. The bartender is watching bass fishing on a TV above the bar.
S: OMG! There’s like smoking allowed in the bars here! I guess I’m not in California anymore.
A: Hey Everyone. We’re here for the Gen–Yine survey.
All the men turn to stare at Shana and Ashley
Bartender: I gots’ Genwine Miller Draft right here on the tap.
S: No not genuine–Gen-Wine!
Bartender: Gurl, that’s what ah said. What’s wrong wit yar hearing?
S: Um I mean generation Yine. We're looking for young people in NOLA to talk about their wine buying habits and take our survey.
Man #1 at table: They gots’ buyin habits all rat but it ain’t fo wine. My dang kid spends most his check on Benadryl and Robotusion! Then he cooks it up in the Geerage. He blew the door clear off last week.
Bartender: Girly, this here the swamplands of Nawlawins. Y’all wants wine go see that Dirty South boy up in 'lanta. I saw him on the Teevee and he gots him some powerful wine affliction or sumptin.
One of the men playing cards comes up next to Ashley—
Man #2: Dat sho is a purtty butterfly ya gots round yo neck dare. I’d like to put mah net round it. Har har har…
A: Umm Sahrayray .. Shana! Lets get outta here!
Man #3: Wait! Anit's ya gonna ask us some mo questions?
Bartender: Hay, I know who laks questions. Bo..go get the Gimp!
Cue sound of dueling banjoes as our heroines tear off in a cloud of dust.
Well kids, lets hope things improve in Texas! Stay tuned.